A dismal title, I know. But for some, turning a new page to a new year is not all fireworks and champagne. I am one of them.
As a mama, celebrating every moment for children is important. They want to have fun and commemorate special days. It’s also a great way to keep them engaged and understand the year as it plays out, through seasons and holidays.
But what happens when you don’t want to celebrate?
There are many reasons why a new year can be unhappy, but for me it simply means a new year on the calendar in which my parents will not be a part of. It’s a marked moment in time that my parents are missing with their grandchildren, and with me and my sister. And that is hard to swallow.
While everyone is together counting down to the new year, in the moment where the ball drops, the very people that were counting down, are the ones that will hug and kiss and cheer in the new year…together. So when people so special to you are missing…it’s difficult to move into a new chapter filled with hope and possibilities.
Did I celebrate New Year’s Eve? Yes. Of course I did. I celebrated as best as I could. My children and I made a cake for midnight, we decorated and made party hats, and we played board games to pass the time. And that was special, no question. I looked at my three little guys, trying to stay up until the clock struck 12, and I savored them. I savored what they have become in this year, and how they are growing into the most wonderful little people. I savored their innocence, their passion and creativity, as well as their emotions and personalities that have developed in 365 days passed. I prayed for more moments, real moments with quality and focus. I prayed for God to help me keep the memories of my parents alive. How my parents lived is what makes me celebrate each and every day (in small or big ways).
There is hope and possibility in this new year, I will see it in my children and they help me see it in me.