I have lived the last seven years of my life without my father. And now almost a year has passed without my mother. And I will not bounce back. Plain and simple.
Death changes you. And although I have my husband and children and my sister to love and care for, nothing can replace the family I had when my parents were both living.
Time passes and things get done. And chores are accomplished, recitals are attended, activities are created, play dates are made, and friendships are even made. But my life has changed. And my losses will stay with me my whole life hereafter.
I realized after my father’s loss, seeing my mother and recognizing my own feelings, that this was a true and deep love. I was fortunate to have loving parents that were incredibly kind and compassionate.
My simple conclusion about loss is this:
The people that tell you to move on or bounce back, have, sadly, never experienced the heart-swelling, mind-bending, soul-comforting love that you have felt. If they did, and they lost that, they would understand.
So do not let the straightforward and quick comments get you down or make you feel you need help. Search your heart and pray, and know that your love was one that will keep you grieving your whole life. What that means, is up to you.
Whether it takes days, or years and decades to move on, it will happen. But your loss will not leave you, you will not bounce back, you can’t. Losing my parents has been like losing a part of myself. Losing a chunk of my heart. I am slower, weaker at times. I take longer to process things, and I have a hard time completing projects. My mind races and my heart hurts. When I feel these things, I have to remind myself this is just the reality of a great and powerful loss.
Each day my heart aches, but my heart grows.
I write this today for all the mamas (and papas) who have lost their parents. Being a young parent without your own parents is lonely and sad. It is hard to face your heartache when you are busy pretty much 24 hours a day with children who need you. You have to keep going, and save face and stay strong for them.
My children remind me of my parents all the time. The love I have for them is all encompassing and reminds me of all the love I was blessed to have with my parents. It was short, it was too short. But it was fantastic.
And for that, I wake up, and I go on. And I count my blessings and absorb all the happiness this world has. But I will not bounce back.
Are you a parentless parent? I’d love to hear from you and know if this, or anything on this subject, is something you would like to read more of.